


five hundred voice mails later with no result.

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, Multi, Voicemail, lifetime-esque drama., non-sburb AU, telephone drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 04:16:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Have you ever been ignored?





	1. play me like a fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally first chapter   
> find me at @windfrogs on tumblr

**Phone log begin.**  
  
The tone strums through the device's speakers while each button was carefully pressed. Your stomach sloshed uncomfortably while each wall of the overwhelming coffee shop threatened to trap you. This was the fourth time this week you tried getting a hold of her.   
  
She was definitely ignoring you because her feeds are active and your messages are left with read receipts.   
  
_ring._  
ring.  
ring.  
  
**-Hey!**  
  
In relief, your stomach uncurled and you psychologically wanted to celebrate. Finally, she answered her phone and abruptly, you began to speak. Cheeks warm and palms sweaty, you nearly dropped your phone in jubilation.   
  
  
"Feferi, I-"  
  
- **I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and a brief message and I will call you back later! Thanks and have a _GREAT_ day!!**  
  
Nowadays, your happiness was short lived and wrongfully ripped out from under your nose. It was a wonder how you did not snap at her already, but this was the tipping point. Your blood boiled, murdering you. The palm clutching your current and expensive phone twitched and a vein throbbed your temple and _you could not do absolute shit about it._  
  
It's digging at you.  
_The vile writhing parasite of hate was under your skin, squirming and burrowing deep into your stomach._  
  
"You know fuckin'  _what._ Sure you're busy. SURE you're fuckin' busy, Fef. You're ALWAYS GODDAMN BUSY NOWADAYS. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN BUSY FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS. I thought we were friends, but no. You're goin' around, bangin' every bastard you see. You're up Captor's tightly wound asshole when he really does not give a SHIT about you or anyone BUT ARADIA. It's cool, though. Fuck you and crash your Porsche. I am SICK of you."  
  
You hit the end button and glass shattered as the flick of rose gold skidded up under the next table. The buzz of the coffee shop came to a halt and revved back when you exited in a storm. It was cold in November and it froze your heart. The flame snuffed by the chilly gust that kicked up the litter of trash.   
  
Sometimes you wish you could melt and disappear.   
  



	2. 21st century bipolarism.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Cancerous thought._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realize i have to put notes at the top now which is silly! more shitty angst that is slightly ooc maybe  
> feel free 2 leave comments and kudos i love them and also, suggest which ships you want !!
> 
> find me @windfrogs on tumblr c:

**Phone log begin.**  
  
**\- Haha, AA. Check it, it's a sexy night at dark o' fuck in the AM and I had just popped a whole bottle of Melatonin.**  
  
The static on the other line had made an indication that she was listening, just barely breathing. You could feel the disappointment radiating off from your friend, but currently you had an obsolete fuck to give. You're high on life and sleepy time vitamins and only that. Your medication was confiscated years ago and placed under lock and key, but it's pretty shitty how Daddy Dearest treated you like an inferior child. You're twenty-one, damn it. You can take your own meds like a big boy.   
  
She cleared her throat.  
  
**\- Why'd you tell me this. Melatonin in vast quantities causes seizures and as much as I love morbidity, I will not have a cocktail at your casket party!**  
  
You shift uncomfortably.  ****  
  
\- Jeez, chillax. There were fifteen pills at one whole milligram which means fifteen milligrams. It's not benzos or whatever.   
  
The audible sigh was followed by a huff while you fell back on your bed, dazed. Your room was a foul mess with filth and clothes everywhere. The only spot clean was the roost you took up at your computer; you did not have the energy to clean and you haven't showered in days. The call with Aradia was something you forced, but only since she didn't annoy the ever living fuck out of you. Half your friends, you can't even stand on some days, and Feferi kept trying to nose into his life. He didn't really mind her, but Christ.   
  
  
Your phone vibrated and Aradia wasn't really responsive. The knife prodded just a sliver.  
  
**\- AA.**  
  
  
Sometimes you expected people to cater to your will and engage in conversation even when you don't return the favor.    
  
**\- Hmm?**  
  
  
Goddamn, how you love it when you change moods at the drop of the hat. The state of mind promotes the emotion. You're sure everyone including you loved Manic Panic Dream Man Sollux better than this slosh of horrible depressed bullshit. You can't even stifle a laugh and being on the phone started to drain you. Aradia was leaving tomorrow to go visit family in the Philippines and she would have extremely limited access to her friends in New York. You went a month without speaking to her once, and by the heavens, it was terrific.   
  
_Terrifically harrowing._  
  
That was five years ago when you were sixteen. This exact month, on this exact day, where your dad took away your medicine, but what can you say? You're an edgy piece of shit with a hankering to murder yourself and sometimes someone else.  
  
**\- I gotta split. I'll ttyl.**  
  
You didn't even wait for her goodbye as the end was brought by the press of your thumb. You tossed your phone on the opposite side of the twin bed you owned and curled up into a ball.    
  
God, by God. Why was it __**you**?   
  
Why did **YOU** have to **SUCK SO MUCH**.   
  
You're just.  
  
You're a fucking awful shit friend. There was no indication that you genuinely cared about your friends, because you don't. Any issue that Aradia had, you couldn't lend a shoulder for her to cry on. You couldn't stroke her thick black hair and whisper sweet nothings and **_lies_ ** about how it will be ok. Nothing is ok, it never fucking was. She has her own health problems and so do you, but you can't bring yourself to even open to her and she's your soulmate. She's your best friend in the whole wide world, and you're losing her. God, it hurt so much. It's a cancer and it's corrupting you. You will be vaporized and your brain is rotting.  
  
This feeling was indescribable. All the awful things collected in a canker was what you felt. Lice and human scalps and rotting fruit and black death. You hate everything, but mostly yourself. You're sick of it! _**SICK OF IT**_.  
  
_You can't stop screaming and you're caving you can't stop screaming and you're caving you can't stop screaming and you're caving_ -  
  
bzzt.  
  
one new message  
HEY JACKASS, GET ON XBOX.  
  
a shaky hand picked up the phone and your reply,  
  
fuck you, i'm busy.


	3. triumph.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Only fear fear itself._  
>  tw for ableism and drug mentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tavros telling vriska to get fuck is what i live for but i still love her dw  
> find me @windfrogs on tumblr o u o

**Phone log begin.**  
  
Maybe, just _maybe,_   there is a slight theoretical chance you are deluding yourself you could actually go through with this, and damn your hands shook. You'd be quivering in your boots if you even had functioning legs. It's silly how you felt brave when it was nearly seven am and you had no sleep whatsoever. Your stomach was sick from lukewarm, sugar impacted coffee and you turned down Gamzee's offer of weed, but you could use that. That and at least five Xanax. She was going to kill you, but it had to be done.   
  
The lump in your throat went down, digging its jagged edges on the way. The phone rung and she didn't answer. Typical, you knew. She would be asleep at a time like this. The huge status she posted about you laid glaring harsh in your eyes, but you're fucking done crying. 

 

 **\- It's Vriska! Can't get to ya right now because I have _so_  many irons in the fire, you have no idea. Anyway, leave your name and a message and I might get back. Busy busy, so I dunno! See ya.**  
  
The tone resonated and you could feel your throat clamping like a clam. Your mouth uncomfortably dry. 

 _can't pussy out now_  
  
...  
  
Five seconds in and you're already majorly malfunctioned.   
  
"F-First of all, Vriska, I didn't appreciate that status posted about me. Everyone laughed and it was really fucked up."  
  
You can't do this, goddamn it! God. Why's it so hard to confront people who are horrible to you?  
  
_because she's an abusive little cunt_  
  
"And... And what I am trying to say is. God. Ok. I can't. I have to be frank with you. You are literally so awful to me it's not even funny! You have been this way since we were thirteen and I don't goddamn **KNOW** what I did aside from exist and be crippled. You find me weak and you're... you're able to bully me because of that. You even... **_Fuck_**. This is messed up, yo. Why can't you be nice? I'm sorry to say this, but you're a bitch and everyone hates you. Don't even message me until you're gonna, uh, apologize then I'll apologize for not standing up to you sooner. Or sitting down. You're going to make fun of this probably with Terezi or whatever. I'm done."  
  
Wow, that felt really good. That felt good to get off your chest! You're smiling like a big sap and now you feel petty.   
  
"Uh... By the way, you look, uh, ugly! Haha, take that. In your face, loser!  __ **SUCK IT.** "  
  
  
That felt amazing, you thought as soon as you clicked the end button. Vriska was going to wake up to some sick burnz hot handed by the T-Man. Booyeah, fuckers. He's gotta tell Gamzee, but bothering him would be weird and he's mad exhausted from staying up a near twenty-four hours.   
  
For once, since thirteen, he slept soundly. Facing one fear is the step to recovery.


End file.
